It's been a little while.

The dawn is breaking, a light shining through, you're barely waking and I'm tangled up in you, yeah, I'm open, you're closed, where I follow, you'll go, I worry I won't see your face, light up again, even the best fall down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme, out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow find you and I collide, I'm quiet you know, you make a first impression, I've found I'm scared to know, I'm always on your mind, even the best fall down sometimes, even the stars refuse to shine, out of the back you fall in time, I somehow find you and I collide, don't stop here, I lost my place, I'm close behind, even the best fall down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme, out of the doubt that fills your mind. You finally find you and I collide.
- Howie Day - Collide.

I sit here thinking;
Why am I who I am?
What makes me, me?
Will I be somebody?
Or will I be a nobody?
Famous or Infamous?
Will I have a future?
Or will I have some average life, not living the way I've always wanted to?

As I attempt to ask the questions,
one comes in to my head,
Am I already that mediocre, average, satisfactory person I am afraid to become?
It upsets me, to think that.
I don't know,
what do you think?

I may not throw myself in to things and I always get nervous when I do something a little out of my square,
But I have no idea, if I actually am, what I think I am.
I know this may make no sense to you whatsoever.
I just want to break free, different is in these days,
and to actually be different, from the different that is in, you actually have to go extents.
Extents that I'm not willing too.

Maybe this is just one of my many problems within myself,
which all I can do is write about it.
Will it get me anywhere?
I don't think so, I actually don't know.
I don't know anything really anymore.
I know I may only be fourteen going on fifteen,
but thinking of the future worries me.
I'm not exactly academically smart,
or overally creative,
and my confidence is at a pretty low level.

So, I don't know.
Those three words seem to be the only ones in my vocabulary lately.
I don't want to think of future,
I love thinking of the past, but remembering about it is bad for you,
and the present, I don't know why they call it the present, it barely is one.
I don't know.


- Get me out of the mentality of mediocracy. Please.

Jordan, x.